What a horrible website.
The Plunge is a wedding planning site "for men", based on the assumption that "real men don't plan weddings".
It's one of the most remarkably offensive websites I've seen lately. It manages to be sexist both ways.
It's sexist against men because it assumes we're all beer-drinking, remote-control hogging, sports-watching man-children who are trying to weasel out of being involved in our own weddings.
It's sexist against women because it assumes they're all frilly-magazine-reading, gold-digging Termagants who, when proposed to, turn into Bridezilla and become intent on never letting you have fun again. (Um, why would I be marrying someone like that, exactly?)
It also assumes that wedding traditions, especially expensive ones, are unquestionable and must be obeyed no matter how much you dislike them. Forget doing what you and your bride want to do; the wedding industry MUST be obeyed. But since you're a man, you're going to be pouty and passive-agressive about it.
Finally, The Plunge assumes I am engaged to a woman with whom I have such poor communication that I need a website's advice about how to talk to her. It's full of "How to talk to your bride about..." articles that basically recommend being disingenuous and evasive.
Why am I reading this? It's like a train wreck from which I can't tear my horrified eyes.
Their attitude is summed up in this direct quote:
"It [wedding planning] makes you play along with a fake smile, bored and bitter, creating the illusion that you give a damn."
Oh no, I have to spend months and months planning all this boring stuff I don't care about and buy all these expensive things that I don't want, because Bridezilla is going to make me, boo hoo hoo!
Seriously, what the hell is with this whiny attitude? Am I a man or am I a spoiled little boy? A man decides what he wants and then does it. A boy does things he doesn't want because of peer pressure, and then complains about it. Boys should not be getting married.
And if I can't reach a reasonable compromise with my woman than why would I be marrying her? I don't get it. Talk to your partner, figure out what you're gonna do, and then do it. What's so hard about that?
The one good thing about The Plunge is that it has made me want to be more involved in wedding planning, just so I won't be the kind of guy they're talking to. Was it all reverse psychology? If so, it worked.
Hey everybody, my wedding is tomorrow, so this is my last bachelor blog post. Here are some straight-up facts about the wedding.
First, the wedding is being "webcast" live. It is at 10:30am Pacific time (12:30 Central, 1:30pm Eastern, etc). If you want to watch it, you will need to use the most cutting-edge technology of 1997, RealPlayer. (When I found that out, my first thought was: "RealPlayer still exists??" and my second thought was: "Man, why can't San Mateo County get with it and use a proper video format?". But really it's nice that they're even making it an option at all, so I can't complain too much.)
To view the wedding you should click on
This Link Right Here!
at around 10:30am Pacific. (It won't work if you click on it earlier.)
Next: We will be wearing the following super awesome and totally posh clothing choices:
I'm all like "Two imperialist island nations in one! Confused Meiji Period gentleman for the win!" and Sushu is all like "Equal parts British noblewoman and 1920s Shanghai heartbreaker!"
Oh oh oh guess what else, Mitcho made us this lovely wedding registry: tinyurl.com/jonosweddingregistry. You have to click on that link.
Finally, travel plans. HONEYMOON travel plans! Next week I'm going to be at work as normal; then July 4 we are flying off for Tokyo. We spend a week in Japan, then a week in Shanghai (if they let us into China and don't quarantine us because Americans are suspected of having swine flu), then a week in Beijing. Huzzah! My internet access will be sporadic and coming from the wrong side of the Great Firewall of China so blogging may be minimal, but I will get lots of cool pictures to show y'all loyal readers when we get back.
Guess what guess what!
I am TOTALLY MARRIED now. Sushu is MY WIFE and I am HER HUSBAND. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!
Pictures & video forthcoming.
I'm not used to wearing a ring yet.
Every time I wash my hands, I catch myself thinking "Don't get the band-aid wet". Because part of my brain is interpreting the feeling of my wedding ring as the feeling of a band-aid around my finger. But no, it's silver and it can get wet just fine.
The practicalities of changing a name
I'm in the process of legally changing my name to Jonathan Silinis Xia. California has a wonderfully egalitarian system where either partner can change their name as part of the wedding paperwork, so I did that. Changing my first name would require a lot of extra work beyond that, so I'm leaving it alone for now (everybody calls me Jono anyway).
I did the DMV paperwork to get a license in the new name, and yesterday me and Sushu opened up a joint bank account, with my new name on it. My new social security card came in the mail. After that I just need to get a new passport, and change the name on my apartment lease and utility bills.
I thought a name change would be something that happens all at once, but in fact it's an ongoing transition: there are some organizations that currently know me under one name and other organizations that know me by another name. Right now I have ID for both names so I can be either "Jonathan DiCarlo" or "Jonathan Silinis Xia" as the situation demands. My new bank account has an "AKA Jonathan DiCarlo" on it just in case somebody writes me a check by the old name.